Love me
by xGeekSquad
Summary: Pezberry oneshot. Not a happy story. AU. I promise the story is better than the summary.


The thunder was ear-splitting, the lightning was effulgent, and the rain was pounding against the roof above her vociferously, but none of that was the reason that Santana was sleepless in her solitude that night. Her mind always wandered, ever since she was a little girl, but her mind wanders to things that they shouldn't. And when her mind would wander to the forbidden things, she would be restless.

She knew all too well that she and Rachel could never fix what went on in their botched relationship- but all Santana wanted was to feel Rachel in the bed next to her, to be able to hold her hand once more. She would give her all just to see Rachel's illuminating smile, to be in the midst of her angelic glow, to hear her unequalled laugh- and know that she was the one who had caused it.

_Blinded by love, _She thought to herself with a small, but sad smile. _They'd tell me that I was. _

Her mind once again wandered to the forbidden land of Berry, in which was the ever-so-played out fantasy that they would just look into each others eyes and realize that it was a mistake to ever leave each other. Santana shook her head of the ridiculous thought, wiped the solemn tear sliding down her cheek, and got up to look at the dreary sky. It was as if the sky was crying for her, crying for her situation, crying at the fact that neither Santana nor Rachel- no matter how much they wanted to- could fix what happened. Rachel cheated. Santana cheated. Rachel manipulated Santana. Santana manipulated Rachel. Both would eventually lose contact, resulting in one text from Rachel, one measly little TEXT, that simply stated _'It's done.' _ Santana wasn't stupid, she knew what the text referred to. The first month of their relationship was this picture-perfect thing, where they would constantly shower each other with affection and love- then Finn's party happened.

Rachel and Santana both had sex that night, but not with each other. The room NEXT to each other, actually, with two completely different people. Santana ended up awakening next to a head full of blonde hair, while Rachel woke to a giant sleeping next to her. They thought that maybe, since they had both slept with someone else, they could fix it. It was mutual cheating, they were both drunk, and they were led on by Finn and Brittany. It was Finn and Brittany's fault, not their own.

Until it happened again. Fully sober, Rachel decided it would be fun to hook up with Finn once more. It was during a time at which Santana had got on to Rachel about hanging out with him, because he tricked her into sex at his party. He didn't trick her this time-not at all, actually. But nothing, not even the endless amount of people in Glee club calling her blind and crazy, could make her believe that had happened.

Until Rachel told her it had happened. It was blatantly stated at the most random time, while they were making dinner. But Santana's love was so strong that she didn't care. Rachel had burst into tears at her admission, and Santana didn't know any better than to just go over and comfort her. She was hurt- who wouldn't be? But she didn't let it show. She went to bed that night with no doubts about her love for Rachel.

Then it happened to Santana. She wasn't drunk either. She and Brittany had been paired up for a project, and Santana thought nothing of that. Rachel did, though, and she and Santana began screaming at each other only an hour beforehand over it. Santana didn't know why Rachel didn't trust her. When she went home, though, she knew. She didn't know why it was so hard to resist Brittany's seduction, but it was, and Santana felt like something was jabbing at her heart. But she couldn't tell Rachel. Especially after they had an entire fight about how she WOULDN'T. So it was a secret. It was an extremely well-kept secret as well, until Brittany blurted it out during Glee club about 2 months later. Rachel exploded, and Santana had no choice but to explode as well. It had seemed that it was the only way to get through to either one of them, to blow up.

That moment in their relationship led to lies. Rachel would lie about going to some Jewish temple thing and instead go out with Finn, in which Quinn had sent Santana snapshots of them in Breadsticks holding hands and kissing. She would come home to Santana, because Santana practically lived at her house after being kicked out for being gay, and act like nothing even happened. And Santana didn't even care, because by her acting as if nothing happened, then maybe it was just a phase. Maybe all good relationships went through things like that.

Lies led to manipulation. Santana was the first to admit that she was the person that enduced the manipulation, as she would guilt Rachel into admitting things. But Rachel obviously didn't love Santana as much as Santana loved her, because she actually had things to admit. She cheated once, twice, fifteen times in the same month, and it was getting tiresome. Santana tried moving in with Quinn, which was still working out greatly, in a pathetic attempt to salvage their relationship. Maybe she was smothering her. But Rachel was changed. Santana used to walk her to her classes, but after that, Rachel would just avoid her at all costs.

After a month of constant solitude, Santana decided that it was time for her to fix what she had broken. She showed up on Rachel's doorstep at midnight in the pouring rain, with a box of Rachel's favorite vegan candy and a bouquet of her favorite flowers. Please forgive me, I love you, I shouldn't have done what I did, I broke something special, I can't emphasize how much you mean to me- all of the standard stuff was said. But all Rachel did was stare. There were tears in her eyes, and all Santana did was step up to hug her. It was a tight embrace, and they were both complete messes from the rain and the tears- then Finn reared his head from the door. Rachel then pulled away, telling Finn that Santana had made her cry, and it all ended up with Santana trying to kill herself.

She wound up in the hospital the next day, sick from blood loss when she had cut herself. Mr. Schuester had made an entire week's assignment about it. Only one person didn't come to see her in the hospital, and only one person didn't stand up to sing anything.

And that was Rachel.

For the life of her, though, Santana couldn't figure out why Rachel didn't love her. She had done everything a good partner would do. She cleaned her messes. She paid for everything Rachel ever needed. But it wasn't enough. And she didn't blame anyone but herself.

"I'd give my all for you to be with me tonight." Santana said softly, suddenly realizing that she was sobbing. She wiped her tears. She wasn't going to bed upset.

A tortured soul.

A troubled mind.

Maybe it stemmed from the household?

All were completely valid motives that the police made when they found Santana's dead body in Quinn's house last night. And only Rachel knew that Santana had sent her a text, completely vulnerable, and Rachel's reply was what killed her.

_I don't love you. Fuck off. _


End file.
